The Final Countdown

Well, here I am in Edinburgh and the show opens in 4 days. The dream is about to became a reality! 261 tickets were sold in total for the two Cambridge previews (almost the equivalent of 5 sold out performances in Edinburgh!) only a small proportion of which were friends and family. The ADC requires a stage manager to sit in the wings so, as we don’t have one, I had to do this, which meant I couldn’t watch the show properly. At first I was disappointed at the lack of laughter but then realised I just couldn’t hear it as I had headphones on! The actors heard it all right and came off stage glowing and saying “they loved it!” The second night, which was the fuller house, the laughter was unmistakable, even with the headphones. There was also spontaneous applause for Susie’s tirade in the ‘What’s the Point?’ scene. I was so pleased with the actors. They did brilliantly. I felt confident from the moment I took each of them on that they were not going to let me down but kept wondering if I was being naïve. This has been the smoothest, happiest rehearsal period I have ever experienced; no temper tantrums, no need for me to shout at them to learn lines or remember things I’d already told them, not even a mild disagreement. Got lots of very enthusiastic feedback after the shows and some constructive criticism too. Then came the hard part of cutting it to fit the tight 50 minute slot we have in Edinburgh as it ran for an hour at the previews. Bianca was a great help with this as she had been ushering and sat in the audience so could tell me which bits didn’t work so well. We cut some of the banter, took out the Jesus/Santa scene as that was the weakest and tightened up a couple of other scenes which seemed a bit slow. I also wrote a new shorter Romeo and Juliet scene. This was tough on the actors as it meant a lot of unlearning, including odd lines here and there, as well as learning the new scene and some changed transitions. We then had another rehearsal with a small invited audience of 6 who couldn’t make it to the ADC as I thought it would feel very flat for the actors going back into rehearsal after the thrill of an audience. It still ran 4 minutes over but this was partly due to them saying some of the cut lines and improvising their way through when they occasionally lost track. I made a couple more cuts and they went away to concentrate on ensuring they know the final version before the next rehearsal in Edinburgh on Wednesday evening. Meanwhile, the hat stand, flipchart, stool, giant flower, broom, box of costumes, all my own stuff and some basic food provisions have been transported to Edinburgh in Michael’s car and lugged up 63 stairs to our 3rd floor Marchmont flat where I now reside alone (Michael having returned the next day as he has a guitar course to go to) until Bianca, Will and Susie arrive. The posters and flyers have been delivered and I have been out getting some displayed in shops and cafes. The badges and hoodies are ordered and should arrive the day before we open!

Hat stands, flip charts, dust busters and The Sun

We now have the full 37 aprons. Have worked out that in a 50 minute show with a cast of two who wear 18 (Will) and 19 (Susie) respectively, that makes an average of 2.7 minutes per apron which is frankly ridiculous. Fortunately I am not allowing my better judgement to win and was delighted to see the crazy notion brought to life in the fist rehearsal/photo shoot which confirmed that it’s going to work really well. In reality, some aprons are worn for considerably less than that and some rather longer. One only gets a few seconds exposure but we agreed the £16.90 was justified for a one liner that would be repeated 22 times (or should that be 21 times if there are 22 performances as the first is not a repeat?!). Have ordered a mahogany hat stand from Amazon to hang the aprons on. Am strangely excited about owning my own hat stand. Might even use it for hats after the show is finished! I have also ordered a flip chart easel which I am equally thrilled at the prospect of owning. Only a few props left to get, including a dustbuster space rocket, a cape and a posy of dark flowers that resemble grapes (as featured in the Venus of Urbino painting). Loving the luxury of doing a show that is way more extravagant than my recent low budget efforts, which have mainly been confined to a couple of chairs and a table with maybe a glass or two or a couple of coffee cups, all of which can be borrowed from the venue. Sometimes I run to the extravagance of a newspaper. In fact, this show does feature Adam looking at The Sun in the Garden of Eden and we've decided to use that day’s edition for each show to keep it truly contemporary so that’s another 20p x 22 = £4.40 on the budget! Think I will send photo of this scene to The Sun and see if they will publish it! Decided not to have “space helmets” on the planets Venus and Mars after all as I realised these ideas pre-dated the aprons and were not needed so am now left with a baby pink colander and three blue hard hats (got 2 spares for some bizarre reason) I don’t need. I asked the cast how they felt about this and Susie said she was indifferent. This is presumably because she has never tried wearing a colander on her head on stage. Had she done so, she would have been tremendously relieved at its removal.

MOVING ON

Rehearsals start tomorrow (well, today, actually, as it's 12.45am) preceded by photo session. Got to try and make the show look in full flight for the photos before starting actual rehearsals. Been working on the Grand Apron Plan. Not sure how many can feasibly be worn at once. Aiming for maximum of 4 or 5 but there is currently a scene where Venus has 10 so need to sort that out.

ALL IS REVEALED ON THE APRON FRONT

Mentioned way back in March that I had an exciting costume idea for my Edinburgh Fringe show which I was keeping under wraps for a while. It is actually alluded to in my Fringe Guide entry so I think it’s time to come clean and explain. Was trying to think how I could signify the nudity in the Adam and Eve scenes without asking the actors to undress and remembered that you can get aprons with nude figures on. Did an internet search and found not only those but a wealth of novelty aprons which would lend themselves to costuming a whole range of characters. In fact, this had a big influence on shaping the script, both in determining which characters from history and mythology earned a place and in fuelling playful banter between the two core characters. So Tarzan & Jane, St George, Ape-man and Napoleon all sailed into the cast list because there were tailor-made costumes available for them. For others I had to be a bit more ingenious and engage in some judicious lateral thinking so, for example, Juliet appears in white lingerie and Lady Macbeth in black bra and briefs, Macbeth in a kilt, Anthony as a Roman soldier and Cleopatra sports a kinky slave apron. I am particularly pleased with the scene in which Jesus goes into the wilderness to fast, dressed as Santa. I hope no one will find it blasphemous, I don’t think it is – just funny. The idea is that the actors take off an apron as a scene ends, revealing another underneath (hence my March 1st references to wigs and knickers) and thus moving seamlessly into the next character. Have recently taken delivery of numerous aprons from various sources. Just did another count and there are now 34 in the props box and still a few more to come. They won’t be wearing them all at once, they get to go off stage and restock occasionally. Even so, common sense tells me that nearly 40 costume changes in a 50 minute show is way too many. We’ll find out when we start rehearsals. I also have another 60 duplicate aprons to try and sell at £10 each on an “as seen in Venus and Mars and Other Myths of Mr and Ms” basis. I had to buy some of them in bulk so as to get them at wholesale price. All in all, I have spent over £800 on aprons but have the potential to get £600 back from sales. Apron anyone?

LONE NUTTER NO MORE!

I’ve been rather quiet on here lately but there’s lots to report, the most important news (apart from the fact that I did actually finish the script) being that I have a cast! I carefully avoided this topic when I didn’t have any actors because I didn’t want people to think I was just some lone nutter with a fantasy about doing a show in Edinburgh that wasn’t actually going to come to fruition. If that were so, it would be a very expensive fantasy as I have already poured nearly £5,000 into the project. This includes flat rental, the first two instalments for the venue, audition space, Fringe Guide entry and the few costumes and props I have bought so far. My two actors are Susannah Bond who will be playing Venus in her many forms and Will Mitchell as the many faces of Mars. Both have done shows in Edinburgh before so have a pretty good idea what they are letting themselves in for. The first read through went well and I am optimistic that the three of us will work well together and they will be able to turn my crazy fantasy into a reality. The Fringe Guide came out this week and my entry is all present and correct on page 237, nestling comfortably between The Vagina Monologues and The Virginia Monologues (Ironside not Woolf). The Fringe Guide can be viewed in page by page form on line this year too on the Edinburgh Fringe website.

The Scottish Play

It's 3.45am and I've just written the long awaited Romeo & Juliet and Macbeth & Lady Macbeth scenes which is a great relief. Had spent the last few days listening to an audio version of Men are from Mars..... a few times and making notes, working out what aspects of the book's theories I had not yet incorporated adequately and trying to move towards thinking about how I might use these intended characters to express them. Realised I didn't want to get into the realms of Shakespearean dialogue (as all the other characters speak in modern English) or get bogged down in trying to adapt actual scenes from the plays but just to give a flavour of them with a couple of familar references. I was about to go to bed (3 or 4 hours ago) but decided to have a quick look at the stories in Lamb's Tales of Shakespeare first. I had not got much beyond "Macbeth had a wife, to whom he communicated the strange prediction of the weird sisters" before an idea started to gel in my mind about Lady M being jealous of him seeing these other women. I expect that's been done before as there can't be many variations on Shakespeare's plays that haven't been done before in some shape or form but I doubt it's been done quite like this. Had the role reversal idea ages ago and wanted to stick with that (I'm sure that's been done before too but again, not quite like this) and gradually all the elements - the role reversal, the jealousy and the V & M twist all began to come together. Part way through writing that I started to get an idea for the Romeo and Juliet scene which was to precede it, wrote that as well and then went back and finished the Macs and also adjusted the transition between the scenes (which was the only part I'd done already) to fit what came before and it all slotted nicely into place. Writing is so satisfying when that happens. Just Anthony & Cleopatra left to do now. Must go to bed as it's 4.10am now and I've got a busy day tomorrow!

Fringe Guidance

Submitted my Fringe Guide Copy form at 7.30 this morning so that's another hurdle I've clambered over. I thought I'd finalised my 30 words yesterday but then Michael said it didn't make it clear that the show is a comedy. I was keen to avoid the sort of overselling that puts me right off other people's shows in the form of inflated claims like "absolutely hilarious" or "funniest show on the the Fringe" which give the audience such high expectations that they are almost guaranteed to come out disappointed. I think such phrases are only allowable if they are direct quotes from reviews, as long as they are genuine and not taken out of context (e.g. if it actually said "this is certainly not the funniest show on the fringe but...."!). I finally settled for "Have men and women always spoken different languages? This whirlwind tour of Space, Eden, Ancient Greece and the Jungle takes a humorous look at the issues. Sophisticated silliness. Aprons. 15+" I asked for Bianca's advice on whether there should be an age limit and if so, what it should be and she reckoned that sexual references including the presence of the words "pr*ck, c*ck and f*ck" would give it a 15 rating if it was a film, so we agreed I should specify 15+. The Fringe Office was very prompt in e-mailing me my proof to check. They have vetoed my capital S for Space, which I was hoping would make it clear it was outer space I was referring to as opposed to theatre space (as I didn't have room in the word count for "outer") and have also corrected my capital J for jungle. They referred to these as "a couple of minor grammatical corrections" which I wasn't too chuffed about as I like to think of myself as the Queen of Grammar (with a capital Q and a capital G). Of course, technically they are right. I do like to invent my own grammatical rules from time to time, which can either be interpreted as creativity or bloodymindedness. So I suppose I have to accept that house style wins over individualism. My final copy is therefore "Have men and women always spoken different languages? This whirlwind tour of space, Eden, Ancient Greece and the jungle takes a humorous look at the issues. Sophisticated silliness. Aprons. 15+"

Deadline looming

Final Fringe Guide deadline is tomorrow. Missing the reduced rate March date due to not having a venue by then is costing me nearly £100 (£377.20 instead of £282.90). Started on my on line form weeks ago and finished filling in most of it yesterday. Today I must settle on precisely which 30 words I will use to describe my show. The allowance is actually 40 including the title and, as mine is 10 words, that takes up a quarter. It’s crucial that I get this vital marketing tool right. Have already written several different versions but am not entirely happy with any of them. It’s harder than writing the actual script!

Also need to finalise decisions on ticket prices and what, if any, reductions I am offering for previews. It always irritates me that some shows are priced higher on Friday and Saturday nights and I try to avoid seeing those at weekends. Am hoping others will do likewise in favour of mine if my prices remain the same.

Originally intended the show to run 60 minutes but my allocated one hour venue slot includes get-in and get-out so have to cut it to 50 minutes, starting at 1.05pm and ending 1.55pm. Good thing about this is that the 13:05 list in the daily guide will be shorter than the 13:00 one, making my show stand out more.

All change!

I spoke too soon. Venue is now The Space on The Royal Mile @ The Radisson Hotel, time 1.00pm (or possibly 1.05pm) daily, 7th - 29th August (excluding Sundays). I have accepted this offer as it is EVEN MORE central and has a LARGER seating capacity (55) so, with the opportunity to sell more tickets, I have the potential to just about break even financially whereas, however I rejigged the figures for The Grassmarket, I was guaranteed to make a loss, even if I sold all 31 seats every day. I feel terrible about backing out of the deal I verbally agreed yesterday as Julian who runs Sweet Venues is such a nice guy and had given me loads of his time in two long phone calls while I ummed and aahed about whether or not the space would be big enough. Apart from feeling bad about wanting to be a nice person myself and not piss anyone off, I am fairly confident that I have made the right decision.

Venus has Venue

It's official! We now have a venue. Venus and Mars and Other Myths of Mr and Ms will be performed at 12.45pm daily throughout the Festival (7th-31st August) at Sweet Grassmarket City 2.

Venus soon to have Venue

Not had time to update this lately as been frantically busy with various things including another production - Table Talk for WRiTEON which was a sell out success. Meanwhile, progress has been made on the Edinburgh front, including, most importantly, some venue offers and I am currently trying to decide between a choice of three spaces/timeslots. Watch this space for confirmation of my decision!

Venue

Just heard that one of the Edinburgh venues I applied to has rejected my show. Not going to let it get me down. I have other irons in the fire. Now more determined than ever to make a success of the show so they will regret their decision and INVITE ME to perform it there next year! In my dreams?! Maybe. But you have to have dreams, don't you? And even more importantly, you have to follow them relentlessly.

Fundraising

Not doing very well with my sponsored slim so far. Having persuaded lots of people to sponsor me to lose 1lb a week for 14 weeks, I lost 0 lbs the first week and half a pound the second week. Well I suppose it's a start! And I've got 12 more weeks to catch up. Must try harder. Have booked a venue in Cambridge for "Venus and Mars the Quiz night" on Sunday 10th May, which will feature a short taster of the show and a quiz based around the various themes of gender communication, history, mythology etc. The venue is free as long as we buy drinks from the bar, so hopefully this will enable me to raise a bit of money towards Edinburgh.

Beds and Stages

Have booked accommodation in Edinburgh (4 bedroom flat for whole of August) and sent deposit. This is a little crazy considering I don’t yet have a venue for the show! Am in process of submitting venue applications in which this blog is mentioned as part of my marketing plan. Now the blog also mentions the venue applications, which is a neat reflection of the self-referring themes in the script. Michelle and I have booked preview performances at the ADC Theatre Cambridge on 23rd and 24th July. Her new play, Hayton on Homicide will be at 7.45pm on the Thursday, followed by Venus and Mars at 9.15pm, with the timeslots reversed on the Friday. We thought those who know us from WRiTEON would be more likely to come to both if they are on the same night. Perhaps we can each persuade our own friends to see each other's show too. So.....we are committed now - there's no going back!

Would you Adam and Eve it?

Meeting Adeleh in Starbucks later this week to discuss possibility of her designing the poster/leaflets. Want to base the design on a painting of Adam and Eve with cartoon style enhancements that tie in with the content of the show, as well as echoing the other publicity images I will be using. Will take my pink colander and my giant pink flower to show her.

Baby Pink Colander

Got my baby pink colander (I was right – “baby” refers to the shade of pink not the size). Tried it on and it fits me (just about) so hopefully it will be OK for Venus. It’s sitting on top of a pile of miscellaneous notebooks on my desk at the moment. Caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye and realised to my horror that it reminded me of the pink plastic potty I had as a small child. Oh dear!

Will I tell you a secret?

Am so excited about my clever costume idea but think I’d better keep it under my hat for now as don’t want anyone else to use it first. Suffice it to say that I have never seen anything quite like this done before (doesn’t mean it hasn’t been, just that I haven’t seen it). Did see a Candoco Dance Co piece recently in which a girl takes her knickers off and then takes them off again and again and it turns out she has lots of pairs on and just keeps taking off another and another. It was very effective. Well it’s not knickers. I think I’ve seen it done with masks too and maybe wigs (although there’s a limit to how many wigs you can wear on top of each other) but it’s not either of those either. And that’s all I’m saying. No, don’t ask me, I’m hopeless at keeping secrets!

Hi, I'm from Venus

Another marketing brainwave just hit me. When giving out leaflets in Edinburgh, Bianca and I will introduce ourselves with "Hi, I'm from Venus, where are you from?" If they laugh and correctly answer "Mars" or "I'm from Venus too" we will know they know what we're talking about (or rather, where we're coming from) and we can then go on to tell them about the show. If they look at us blankly or say "Sorry?" we will explain the Venus and Mars concept and then go on to tell them about the show. Job done.

I Wish I'd Thought Of That!

I'm aiming to put on an Edinburgh Fringe show full of the sort of ideas that make me say "I wish I'd thought of that" and then remember that I did!

My Edinburgh Heroes

One of my little fantasies is to get the established performers whose shows I have enjoyed in Edinburgh in the past (and will see again this year if they are on) to come and see my show. These would include (in no particular order) Janey Godley, Kit & the Widow, Rhona Cameron, Deborah Frances-White, Idiots of Ants, Michael McIntyre, Jimmy Carr, Dean Friedman, The Paper Birds, Naked Voices, the Shakespeare for Breakfast crew, Paul Merton and the Just a Minute team! Maybe I should offer them free tickets? Or I could be really cheeky and offer to swap one of mine for one of theirs which would save me a few quid! It may be a little presumptuous to imagine that just because I like their work they would like mine but actually it’s not so far fetched to think that we could have similar tastes. I have probably been influenced by them all in some shape or form, although I hasten to add that I have not stolen (or even borrowed) any of their material. If I had, I wouldn’t want them to see my show and find me out. Anyway, I don’t need to; I have plenty of ideas of my own. Actually, there is a way I might get Dean Friedman to come and see Venus and Mars - if I use one of his songs as background music and write to tell him I am doing so. Have already included a PRS fee in my budget. Wondered about “Woman of Mine” Just listened to it and it starts “I’m gonna find me a cave, gonna shut myself in and not come out again. I’m gonna stay there ‘til I rot in my grave and if someone comes a-knocking I just won’t let them in” How appropriate is that?! And it well and truly predates the first Venus and Mars book (published 1992) as it was recorded in 1977. Perhaps I could invite him to come and sing it live at one performance. Hmmm....I wonder if a free ticket to stay and watch the show would be adequate payment….

The End!

Wrote the final scene today! That doesn't mean it's finished, just that I've worked out how it ends. Still quite a bit to fill in, in between. Have incorporated the giant pink flower. Realised it fitted in perfectly with an idea I jotted down ages ago, before I bought it, about men preferring practical gifts and women liking pretty things. Delighted with the final scene as I feel it incorporates a bit of everything - romance, sex, music, dancing, humour, pathos, relevance, visual interest..... Have also come up with some publicity phrases today: - Sophisticated silliness. An intricately woven intellectually stimulating tapestry of historical accuracies and anachronisms. Some nudity (well, sort of) and rudity (but no crudity)

New Photo

Changed my photo on here because a kind friend pointed out that while I might think the previous one was funny, in miniature it just made me look like a victim of bad cosmetic surgery. Thanks Chris! Hope this one's better. Script is coming on in leaps and bounds. Best ideas always come either in the shower, while driving or in bed in the early hours. Have to get them typed up or scribbled down quickly before I lose them.

Prop Number 2 Ordered (also pink)

Got Michael to order me a baby pink plastic colander I spotted on e-bay. He was outraged that it came to £3.87 including p+p but I said that was fine. He reckoned it would be too small to fit on anyone’s head because it said “baby”. Explained that “baby pink” is the colour. Think it’s exactly what I need. Erica had a metal one for the 20 minute taster rehearsed reading we did in November but it was too heavy and she had difficulty keeping it on. This should be better.

Button Badges

Will be giving out button badges in Edinburgh to promote the show. Just realised what they need to say on them "I'm from Venus" (pink ones) and "I'm from Mars" (blue ones). Will obviously give each to the appropriate gender but if they choose to swap that's up to them! Just need to find out how much it will cost......for what? 5,000 (2,500 of each)?

Saw this and Thought of You

Spotted giant pink artificial flowers in a shop yesterday for £7.50 and immediately thought “I have to write one of those into Venus and Mars” so I got one. My first prop purchase. So that leaves just £192.50 in the production budget. It’s huge; as big as my head. Very excited about it. It’s like I’ve bought the show a present, rather like buying a teddy for your baby before it’s born. Then took it to the cinema to see Slumdog Millionaire. Think it enjoyed the film. Now it’s standing by my desk to inspire me as I write the script. Shop was called Evolution which seems somehow appropriate; with the themes of Adam and Eve and other early human myths and the evolving relationship between the genders and changing status of women. Don’t know yet which scene it will appear in. It might even feature on the poster. And in the street publicity. I’m envisaging an elaborate Comedia d’el Arte style mime where Mars keeps trying to present the huge flower to Venus and she turns him down until he gets it right. Or perhaps he tries to put it in his button hole but it’s too big, then in her hair (same problem) then in a vase but it topples over. Perhaps, instead of a mime, just a freeze…..or rather a series of freezes, like a live strip cartoon (no, not that sort of strip!) while Bianca and I give out leaflets and talk to people about the show.

Venus and Mars and Other Myths.......

"Venus and Mars and Other Myths of Mr and Ms" is the title of a show I am planning to take to the Edinburgh Fringe in August 2009. I am the writer and director of the show and it will be staged by my theatre company, Life Experience Productions. The script is not finished yet, although a preview of a 20 minute taster version was performed in Cambridge in November 2008. I am currently in the process of applying for a venue. Watch this space for personal insights into the creative process as well as the practicalities of putting on a show at this spectacular international, freely accessible to all comers (but rather costly to participate in these days) Festival of the Arts.